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1
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I've always wondered why baseball
is so associated with sex.

2
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,509
"He's playing the field. He scored.
He didn't get to first base."

3
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,440
"I struck out." "Why?"
"She wanted a diamond."

4
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:16,548
It's always baseball,
always baseball.

5
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:20,345
As far as baseball goes,
I prefer the fat umpires.

6
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,579
If you're on the field
and not in the game...

7
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:26,385
...you should be in the worst physical
condition a human could be in.

8
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:29,960
They should be allowed
to eat during the game.

9
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:34,091
We're too into sports in this country.
We gotta throttle back.

10
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,962
People come home
from these games:

11
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:39,663
"We won, we won!"
No, they won, you watched.

12
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:49,348
Okay, Danny. Take a swing.
No, no, no.

13
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,814
- You're opening up your shoulder.
- Really?

14
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:56,012
No, not really. I'm just saying this to
you because I like to hear myself talk.

15
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,781
Yes, really.

16
00:00:57,957 --> 00:00:59,618
All right, all right.

17
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,728
- What are you all sweating for?
- It's hot in this uniform.

18
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:06,960
- Hot? What is this?
- What is what?

19
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,033
This uniform. What's it made from?

20
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,227
- I don't know. Cotton?
- No. No, no.

21
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,099
This is not cotton. Here, let me see.

22
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,298
- What are you doing?
- I wanna see the label.

23
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,500
Will you stop it? Come on.

24
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:22,241
- Oh, of course. Polyester!
- So?

25
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,350
- I can't believe you're not in cotton.
- This is what they give us.

26
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:28,351
You know they used to make
leisure suits out of this fabric?

27
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:30,921
- You really think cotton is better?
- Of course.

28
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,184
All right, maybe I'll say
something to Buck.

29
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,960
- Yeah, good idea. Catch you later.
- Yeah.

30
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,722
Hey, don't embarrass me today.

31
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:41,332
I got some friends in the stands.

32
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,333
- Hot dogs here. Yankee franks.
- Oh, you want one?

33
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,737
- Yeah.
- I'll get it.

34
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,207
- I got it.
- Jerry.

35
00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:54,744
- Elaine, stop it.
- Just because I'm not working...

36
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:57,781
...doesn't mean I don't have
any money. Yo. Dogs. Two.

37
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,543
All right. I'm sorry.

38
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,279
Your attention, please.
The New York Yankees...

39
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:05,754
...would like to welcome
Miss Connecticut...

40
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:09,691
...Miss Rhode Island
and Miss North Dakota.

41
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:14,061
All of whom will be competing
in the Miss America pageant...

42
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:18,398
...this weekend in Atlantic City.

43
00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:21,768
Now, there's a career path
you may have overlooked.

44
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:25,035
Oh, I gotta check my machine. I'm
waiting to hear about an interview.

45
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:29,409
Doubleday is looking for somebody
to replace Jackie Onassis.

46
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,982
- She worked at Doubleday?
- Yeah, she was an editor.

47
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,915
- Oh, right, just like you.
- Yeah.

48
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,520
- Would you move your feet?
- Yeah.

49
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:39,124
- Hey, lady!
- Hey, down in front!

50
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,056
- Hey!
- Move your feet.

51
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:45,359
- I'm going.
- Come on.

52
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,929
- Hot dog?
- No, thanks.

53
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:53,334
- I'm watching my weight.
- I'm watching my height.

54
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,202
My doctor doesn't want me
to get any taller.

55
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,669
- So you're Miss...?
- Rhode Island.

56
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,715
I was almost Mr. Coffee.
They felt I was a little too relaxed.

57
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,348
Miss Rhode Island?

58
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,456
- When are you seeing her?
- Tonight. I have to call her.

59
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,182
She's staying in a hotel.

60
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,259
- You're incredible.
- And get this:

61
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,362
I'm working Atlantic City
this weekend.

62
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,361
She's gonna be there
for the pageant.

63
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:23,866
What if she becomes Miss America?
You could be dating Miss America.

64
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,562
The only bad thing is we have
to go out with a chaperone.

65
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,730
Chaperone? What, are you kidding?

66
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,570
- No. It's the contest rules.
- What does the chaperone do?

67
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:34,212
I don't know. She just sits there.

68
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:39,542
- Can she talk?
- I'm not sure if she's allowed to talk.

69
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,348
- Are you calling her?
- Yeah.

70
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,088
Yes. Room 417, please.
Karen Hanson.

71
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:52,493
Hey, did you know the Yankees
don't wear cotton jerseys?

72
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,257
Of course. They're polyester.

73
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,232
Well, what is that? That's a crime.

74
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,395
You know how hot those things get?
They should be wearing cotton.

75
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,905
- Why do they wear polyester?
- I don't know.

76
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,600
That's all gonna change.

77
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,109
- You're gonna do something about it?
- Why shouldn't I?

78
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:12,415
No reason.

79
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:19,481
Of course, Jackie O
was a great lady.

80
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,719
Those are gonna be
some tough shoes to fill.

81
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,193
Everyone loved her.

82
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,060
She had such...

83
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:30,100
...grace.
- Yes!

84
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,165
- Grace!
- Not many people have grace.

85
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,636
Well, you know,
grace is a tough one.

86
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:40,904
I like to think I have a little grace.

87
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,311
- Not as much as Jackie O, but...
- You can't have a little grace.

88
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:48,545
You either have grace
or you don't.

89
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,623
Okay, fine. I have no grace.

90
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,056
And you can't acquire grace.

91
00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:00,688
Well, I have no intention
of getting grace.

92
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:04,132
Grace isn't something
you can pick up at the market.

93
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:08,331
All right, look. I don't have grace,
I don't want grace...

94
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,068
...I don't even say grace, okay?

95
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,677
- Thank you for coming in.
- Yeah, yeah, right.

96
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:22,681
We'll make our choice in a few days
and we'll let you know.

97
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:25,722
- I have no chance, do I?
- No.

98
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,621
All right. Thanks.

99
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,625
Justin Pitt to see you.

100
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,822
- Justin Pitt?
- He was a very close friend...

101
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,261
...of Mrs. Onassis'.

102
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:37,267
Mrs. Onassis'.
That's hard to pronounce.

103
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:40,201
- Excuse me?
- Nothing, nothing.

104
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,274
Mrs. Landis, there's something
wrong with this copying machine.

105
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,070
It's all coming out slanted.

106
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:48,907
Now, I don't know if this
is your department or not.

107
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:52,415
Justin Pitt, this is Elaine Benes.

108
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,583
Charmed.

109
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:06,254
I was a great admirer
of Mrs. Onassis.

110
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,933
Hello, Karen?
Hi, it's Jerry Seinfeld.

111
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,868
Oh, that's very sweet of you.

112
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,565
You better be careful.
You don't wanna get too congenial.

113
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,143
They'll slap that
Miss Congeniality on you...

114
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:22,713
...you'll congenial yourself
right out of the contest.

115
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,182
So, what time
you wanna get together later?

116
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,986
What?

117
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,089
So what?
We don't need the chaperone.

118
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,485
Her chaperone can't make it.

119
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:36,761
Oh, you're not
gonna get disqualified.

120
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,954
So we're not going?

121
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:42,061
Come on.
Hold on one second.

122
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,567
- Hey, what are you doing tonight?
- Nothing.

123
00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:48,299
I'm going out with a Miss America
contestant. You wanna go?

124
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,669
What state?

125
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,442
Rhode Island.

126
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,412
They're never in contention.

127
00:06:58,651 --> 00:06:59,982
How do you know?

128
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:03,179
Because I've seen every
Miss America pageant since I was 6.

129
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,415
Do you wanna go or not?
I'll buy you dinner.

130
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,253
- Giddyup.
- I think I got someone.

131
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,267
The resemblance is uncanny.

132
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,096
Even the brown eyes.

133
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,108
Well, a lot of people
have brown eyes.

134
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:30,079
No, there's something else.
An indefinable quality.

135
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,383
Grace?

136
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:34,216
Grace, yes.

137
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,453
You think I have grace?

138
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,993
- Some grace, yes.
- Just some?

139
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,129
Well, you don't want too much grace,
or you won't be able to stand.

140
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,059
Oh, Mr. Pitt.

141
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:55,800
Elaine, I want you to come and work
for me as my personal assistant.

142
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,136
Now, I'll pay you the same
as Pendant...

143
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,246
...but I would need you
to start right away.

144
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,009
Hey, Buck.
Talk to you for a second?

145
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,212
Sure, George.

146
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:12,357
How's everything going?
Everything okay?

147
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,983
Well, all of a sudden, there's a
problem with Tartabull's swing, but...

148
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,161
Listen, Buck, obviously
I don't need to talk to you...

149
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,826
...about the importance
of player morale.

150
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,938
But I've been talking
to some of the guys...

151
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:30,837
...I don't wanna mention any names,
but some of them aren't too happy...

152
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,376
...with the polyester uniforms.

153
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:37,038
- How so?
- They get very hot in the polyester.

154
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,548
It's not a natural fiber.

155
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,210
I think they would prefer cotton.

156
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:46,089
- Cotton, huh?
- Cotton breathes.

157
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,352
See, it's much softer.

158
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,825
Imagine playing games...

159
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,521
...and your team is 5 degrees cooler
than the other team.

160
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,563
Don't you think
that would be an advantage?

161
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,567
They're cooler, they're more
comfortable, they're happier...

162
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,068
...they're gonna play better.

163
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:03,038
- You may have something there.
- Oh, I've got something.

164
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,134
Cotton uniforms.

165
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:08,645
Congratulations.

166
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:12,875
Yeah. And the best part is
I still get to look for work in publishing.

167
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:17,148
- Now, what is it that you do, exactly?
- I attend to his personal affairs.

168
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,551
Like what?

169
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,419
Well, like tomorrow,
for example, I...

170
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:27,287
- I have to buy him some socks.
- Really?

171
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,457
- Socks.
- Yeah.

172
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,626
White ones.
The ones you wear with sneakers.

173
00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,635
Maybe you could pick me up
some underwear.

174
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:39,404
So, what do you think?
Does this work?

175
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,503
Listen, tonight,
after we finish eating...

176
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,809
...you make like you got
something else to do...

177
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,418
...and recede into the night,
if you know what I mean.

178
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,578
No way.

179
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,550
- What?
- Lf you think I'm gonna step aside...

180
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:54,989
...while you defile this woman,
you're crazy.

181
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,356
I'm not going to defile her.

182
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,760
Right, because I'm gonna see
it doesn't happen.

183
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,866
These girls are
Miss America contestants.

184
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,501
It's every little girl's dream.

185
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,534
I'm not gonna let you
trample that dream...

186
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:08,401
...and make a mockery
of everything the pageant stands for.

187
00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:10,633
No buts.

188
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,368
- Those are my rules.
- Wait a minute.

189
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:15,708
If you wanna have some good,
wholesome fun with a nice girl...

190
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:18,611
...I'll help you out.
If you're looking for something more...

191
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,809
...you got the wrong guy, buddy.
- It's just...

192
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,790
If you were Miss America...

193
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,361
...what would you do to make
the world a better place?

194
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,463
As Miss America...

195
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,229
...I would try and bring an end
to world hunger.

196
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,838
If every person sacrificed
one meal a week...

197
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,999
...there would be enough
to feed the whole world.

198
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:46,144
That's a hell of a plan. Listen...

199
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,337
What advice
would you give young people?

200
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:49,913
All right, Kramer.

201
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:53,074
This is important. She's gotta be able
to answer these questions.

202
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,949
She's not gonna have time to think
with millions of people watching her.

203
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,354
Any hesitation could cost her
the crown. You know, poise counts.

204
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:03,154
- You really know a lot about this.
- Yeah, like last year...

205
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,956
...Miss Texas
should have won easily.

206
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,429
But she lost points
in the swimsuit competition.

207
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,091
- What could she have done?
- Tape her breasts together.

208
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,207
- What else?
- All right, take you for example.

209
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,708
Now, you're very attractive,
but you got a big waist.

210
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,871
- Hey, come on!
- No, no, no, it's okay.

211
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,040
- Go on.
- Well...

212
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,048
...I'd recommend a waist cincher.

213
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:30,586
- Really?
- Oh, yeah. Just... suck you in.

214
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,554
All right. I'll be right back.

215
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:39,061
- So, what's your talent?
- Magic.

216
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,597
I'm thinking of a number
from one to 10.

217
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,463
Six.

218
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,194
No, five.

219
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,362
But you were close.

220
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,902
And the Yankees take the field.

221
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:53,307
Is it my imagination or the Yankees
look a little different tonight?

222
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:56,039
- I can't put my finger on it.
- From what I understand...

223
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,842
...they switched to cotton uniforms.

224
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,451
Well, they say it's softer.

225
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:03,315
Well, it is a natural fiber.

226
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,953
How's your eveningwear?

227
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,991
- Well, I'm wearing this red...
- Stop right there.

228
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,390
- No good?
- Disaster.

229
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,759
- Why?
- Well, you got brown eyes.

230
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:18,597
- You wanna wear a green dress.
- That makes sense.

231
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:22,270
Well, here we are.

232
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:27,936
Kramer, would you consider being my
personal consultant for the pageant?

233
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:32,477
Okay. But if I'm gonna do this...

234
00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:34,915
...we play by my rules
or we don't play at all.

235
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,078
I am in your hands.

236
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,752
Well...

237
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,918
Good night, Jerry.

238
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:52,602
- Kenneth will take you home.
- Yeah.

239
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:00,403
Oh, shut the **** up.

240
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:16,990
- Hey.
- Well, if it isn't Mr. Blackwell.

241
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,494
Oh, come on.

242
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:21,155
And that waist cincher,
that was the topper.

243
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:26,066
- Oh, you're pooh-poohing?
- Yes, I pooh-pooh.

244
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:27,830
Well, let me tell you something.

245
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,976
I'm taking this kid to the top.
To the top, Jerry.

246
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,078
We're going for the crown,
and you can't stop her.

247
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:37,215
- I don't wanna stop her.
- You can't stop her, Jerry!

248
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:41,149
Oh, I've seen them come and go,
but this kid has got something.

249
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,582
Yeah, so do you.

250
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,525
- Well, did you see it?
- See what?

251
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,092
The uniforms!
Did you see how they played?

252
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:52,856
Listen to these comments.
"Wade Boggs, 'What a fabric.

253
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,296
Finally, we can breathe.'

254
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,129
Luis Polonia, 'Cotton is king.'

255
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:02,764
Paul O'Neill, 'I never dreamed
anything could be so soft and fluffy."'

256
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:07,439
- Boy, they really sound comfortable.
- Hey, where you going?

257
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,308
- I'm working Atlantic City.
- Really?

258
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,779
Hey, you're not working.
Why don't you come down.

259
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,816
Atlantic City?

260
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,613
Yes. Yes.

261
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,552
I will go to Atlantic City.
I'm in. I'm down.

262
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,115
Maybe Elaine wants to go too.
Let me call her.

263
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,284
She's at Mr. Pitt's.
I think I got the number.

264
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,720
So, what do you think?

265
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,032
- No.
- What...?

266
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,933
- You don't like them?
- No, I don't like them.

267
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,498
- What's wrong?
- They're too tight.

268
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,576
- Too tight?
- There's no elastic.

269
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,111
You need to pull too much.

270
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:43,714
I think they look good.

271
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,477
They're cutting off the circulation.

272
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,552
All right. I'll take them back.

273
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:56,457
- Hello?
- Hi, Mr. Pitt. Is Elaine there?

274
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,097
It's for you.

275
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,331
Sorry.

276
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,166
- Hello?
- Hey, Elaine, it's me.

277
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:11,275
- Jerry.
- Yeah. We're going to Atlantic City.

278
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:15,539
- Really? When?
- Today. Right now. You in?

279
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,448
One second, one second.
Hang on, hang on.

280
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:25,352
Excuse me, Mr. Pitt. Would it be
all right if I got the socks tomorrow?

281
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,858
- Tomorrow?
- Yes.

282
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:31,258
I was hoping
for my new socks today.

283
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:36,732
- Well, it's just one more day.
- I'm sorry. I must have them today.

284
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:43,375
I can't go.

285
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,969
- Why not?
- Because I have to return the socks...

286
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:51,173
...and get different ones.
- Elaine!

287
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,113
I gotta go.

288
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,118
No.

289
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,754
All right, watch me.

290
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,368
Turn. Back.

291
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,507
Head up. Shoulders back.

292
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:19,542
- Posture. See? Posture.
- Yes, I see. Okay.

293
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:23,137
All right, let's try
a few more questions. All right?

294
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:27,652
"If you were Miss America
and the U.S. Was on the brink...

295
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,256
...of a nuclear war and the only way
the conflict could be averted...

296
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:34,756
...was if you agreed to sleep
with the enemy's leader...

297
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:36,589
...what would you do?"

298
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,957
Kramer, are these questions
really that important?

299
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,826
Yes, they're important!

300
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,492
If you stumble, if you hesitate,
you can kiss the crown goodbye.

301
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:49,232
Now, if I told you once, I've told you
a thousand times, poise counts!

302
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,501
It's just as important
as the others.

303
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:56,478
Swimsuit, eveningwear,
talent, poise!

304
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,851
- Hey. How was the show?
- Good. How was roulette?

305
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,752
I won 50 bucks. This is great.
Too bad Elaine's not here.

306
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,950
Yeah. All she had to do
was buy Mr. Pitt a pair of socks.

307
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,357
- It's good, but...
- But what?

308
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:16,365
- Ultimately, I don't think they'll stay up.
- No. No, they'll stay up.

309
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,400
For a while, yes,
but not in the long run.

310
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,663
But that's why I got you
the tighter ones.

311
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,433
Forget about those!

312
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,610
- Why do you keep mentioning those?
- What do you want?

313
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:29,145
I want a decent sock
that's comfortable...

314
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,941
...that will stay on my foot!

315
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:49,424
- What the hell is that?
- I don't know. It sounds like pigeons.

316
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,535
- Well, I can't sleep with that noise.
- Me either.

317
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:55,502
Is there anything you can do
to shut them up?

318
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:57,665
Wait a second.

319
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,771
This will scare them off.

320
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,890
- Well, good night, OIlie.
- Good night, Stan.

321
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:22,733
- What is it?
- My doves. They're dead.

322
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,062
I trained those birds for eight years.

323
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,262
How am I supposed to do
my magic act now?

324
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,430
- How did this happen?
- They like it outside...

325
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,599
...so I kept them in a cage
on the terrace...

326
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,803
...then I found them dead
in a pool of water.

327
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,847
- But how did this happen?
- It must have been an accident.

328
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,045
Accident?

329
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,656
This was no accident.

330
00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:50,953
These doves were murdered.

331
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:59,731
Well, that's it.
She's out of the pageant.

332
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:03,740
- What? Why? What happened?
- Her birds are dead.

333
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,043
- Birds?
- Yeah, birds.

334
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,543
She's got these trained doves.
She does a magic act.

335
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,342
That was her talent for the pageant.

336
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:15,214
You know what I think, Jerry? I think
somebody murdered those doves.

337
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,880
Somebody wanted her
out of that contest bad.

338
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:20,456
Somebody who was
just eaten up with jealousy.

339
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:24,756
Somebody who couldn't stand to have
the spotlight taken off of them.

340
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,494
What are you looking at?

341
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:33,762
Oh, that. We...

342
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:36,203
We had to leave that outside
last night...

343
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:39,936
...because the water
was making the room too cold.

344
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,276
That's...

345
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,113
- You killed them.
- No. You don't understand.

346
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,219
It's not what you think.
It was an accident.

347
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,584
Don't think that you've won, because
you haven't. This kid is a fighter.

348
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,988
And if you think I'm gonna let a couple
of dead birds get in our way...

349
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,957
...you're crazy!
- Kramer, you gotta...

350
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,691
What was that all about?

351
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,100
Oh, it was just Kramer. Apparently
I killed Miss Rhode Island's doves...

352
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,035
...with the bucket of water
last night.

353
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,912
Ladies and gentlemen,
that was Miss Texas.

354
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,942
Wasrt she wonderful?

355
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,714
And now, continuing with
the talent portion of the competition...

356
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,051
- Okay, this is it.
- How you feeling?

357
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,059
- I'm a little nervous.
- There's nothing to be nervous about.

358
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,891
But I've never sung
before in my life.

359
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:36,729
And now, let's welcome
Karen Ann Hanson...

360
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,200
...Miss Rhode Island.

361
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,931
I heard those doves
were really incredible.

362
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,161
That's a shame.

363
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,872
It's like watching
an animal get tortured.

364
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:26,084
- Hey, hey. Yankee game.
- Oh, great. All right.

365
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:27,809
And the Yankees take the field.

366
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:31,251
What is with the Yankees? They look
like they're having trouble running.

367
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:34,449
- They can't move.
- It's their uniforms. They're too tight.

368
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,595
They've shrunk. They're running
like penguins. Forget this game.

369
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:41,199
Oh, my God,
Mattingly just split his pants.

370
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,496
That's a shame.

371
00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:53,978
Poise. Poise.

372
00:22:04,856 --> 00:22:08,257
The Miss America pageant
seems like a really tough contest.

373
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:11,760
You come out there in the
bathing suit and the dress shoes.

374
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:14,228
They got that
sanitized-for-your-protection...

375
00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:17,368
...toilet-seat thing hanging off them,
you know?

376
00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:20,334
Plus, they gotta wear
all the other outfits. I don't know why.

377
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,939
The bathing suit is the contest.

378
00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:25,042
You win the bathing suit, you win.

379
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:28,407
Everybody looks good in formalwear.
It's dark, it covers everything.

380
00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:30,571
That's why we have weddings in it.

381
00:22:30,749 --> 00:22:32,649
If we had weddings
in bathing suits...

382
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:34,786
...a lot of ceremonies
wouldn't get past:

383
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:36,250
"If anyone sees any reason...

384
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:39,413
...why these two people
should not be joined together..."

385
00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:42,025
About 80 hands go up.

386
00:22:43,025 --> 00:22:53,025
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